Thursday, October 06, 2005

Turd's Buggin', man! Sombody's givin' him 'Fitz'! (ha!)

JezzuZ H. Kee-rist! Ole Rove was screaming curse words I can't even spell this afternoon during my nap. I woke up with such a start from the noise that I almost broke my Gameboy, that was laying next to me on the couch. At first I thought we'd been hit by them A-rabs while I wasn't payin' attention again, but it was just Turd Blossom beatin' the bejesus outta his aide out in the hall. He was a-screamin' and a carry-in on, hell, I thought he was about to slap me again. I still gotta knot he gave me 'cause of that whole guitar strummin' incident while the darkies where learnin' the backstroke in 'Nawlins. Cripes.
Then Mr. Cheney came in with that 'look' on his face, and I seen real fear on the face of the Turd like I never seen before! Last time I seen that 'look' from that old b*stard was when they caught me with that wire I wore at the first debate last year. Good thing we got away with that one, or Cheney woulda finally used that switchblade on me that he keeps cleaning his fingernails with while we have one of our 'talks'. Miserable Pr*ck.
At least this grand jury thingie will get the spotlight off me for a while. I can't BELIEVE all the trouble that Big Easy thing caused me. Mr. Cheney was screamin' at me 10 hours a day over the phone to go out and look 'presidential' for the folk. I don't even know what that means. I think he wants me to stand up straighter or something.
Yeah, momma used to talk just like that to me. It's no wonder me and Johnny Walker got to be such good friends. Nothing like a Boilermaker with a little Johnny Red to take the edge off another of those miserable family dinners. Mmmmm, Johnny Red. Me and the Bass brothers would go on 5 day benders out in Matamoros with a couple of cases of JD and Johnny Red, to coooool the fire of those 36 hour Peruvian marching powder binges. Lucky my septum healed back up. For a while there, I coulda wore a ring through my nose like one of them Bushmen of the Kalahari. Good times, Good times....
Did the Rangers get in the play-offs? I forgot to check.......

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