Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Sure got ugly last night........

Well, it finally happened. Cheney's finally lost it, and that's for sure. I had to hide in a closet for a whole hour before it finally blew over....

It started with Rove coming back from a grovelin' to that prosecutor fella, trying to work a deal to save his speckly white behind from goin' to jail. His eyes were all red and puffy, like he'd been cryin' or somethin. When he walked into the Oval office, Mr. Cheney took one look at that hang-dog expression and just started jerking real funny like. I think that weird pacemaker keepin' him alive was going off like whippets at a Skull and Bones shindig. Then he stopped seizing up and punched the Turd straight in the kisser! I had to fake like I was coughin' to keep from laughin' out loud, 'cause if that old B&^%#^& heard as much as a chuckle outta me, I knew I'd be next.

Ole Rove looked really surprised by the punch, 'cause usually Cheney gets you in a dark room before he works you over. The Turd started back crabbin' away from Mr. Cheney, and ran straight into the wall! Right then, that weasel Libby came stormin' through the door, lookin' white as a sheet. He started jabberin' and a cryin', sayin' stuff like "What did you tell him, what did you say? You better not said have anything about me or I'm telling the press about how you forged that letter Rather got caught with!"

Now that last thing he said kinda made me mad, 'cause they all know I scammed outta the Guard fair and square and there ain't no need to drag up the past. But before I could say anything, Cheney rushed over and grabbed that boy by the throat, squeezing real hard. Libby's eyes started buggin' and I seen the fear of God in that boy's eyes, I swear. That big vein on Cheney's head was a bulgin' and a throbbin' and he was beet red. Then he whispered real low, in a voice that would freeze Raygun's blood in hell: "Shut the F*ck up before I pop your head like a zit'. He dropped him, and old Libby crumpled up on the floor. Then Cheney took out his Derringer and shot him in the foot. (I think that's boy's gonna be on crutches for a LONG time.)

I was both excited and scared watchin' all of this, but since Cheney wasn't lookin' at me close I decided to skee-daddle quietly out the back door of the office, before he turned his tender mercies on ME. Them Secret boys listening at the door looked mighty scared, like they always do when Cheney decides to discipline the staff. I just kinda whistled while I walked past, to make it look like there wasn't anything special happenin'. Then I snuck into my bedroom closet with that bottle of Jim Beam and the six-pack I snuck past Laura.

That stuff warmed me up real good, and I fell asleep and dreamed about the time I was flyin' Kennyboy's plane and we was doing shots of Jim Beam and throwin' darts at the stewardesses.......

You ever had a Boilermaker? That stuff is the nectar of the Gods......


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