Sunday, September 04, 2005

Them Corpses are Floatin' in N.O. jus' like a keg!

Well now, why'd you want to see them dead bodies, anyways? It's not like they need rescuing anymore. Mr. Cheney says its the funniest thing he's seen, all them floaters, but then he gets all quiet like when Mr. Rove screams at him about the polls. That's why I have so much respect for the Turd Blossom, he don't take nos%*& from that miserable old pr*ck. Ole Karl would chew a baby's head off rather than see ONE picture of some bloated bone-bag on the teevee. One time I seen him slap his aide straight in the head when he'd seen a coffin coming back from I-rak on NBC, and that poor bastard kid hadn't done nothing! I sure watched my Ps and Qs after seeing that one, I can tell ya. You'd think he inherited his temper from my momma, they way he screams like a banshee after I flub another one of those flowery speeches he keeps making me say in front of the rubes. He jus' don't understand how hard it is for me to read all them big words, and to pronounce all them sand n*&&@# names at those boring photo ops. It's not like I give a sh*t enough to care what a Talabani or Allawi is, much like how to say it. My Saudi boys were always nice and kind enough to give me a hand (literally, hah!) when I meet with them to discuss what my positions on foreign policy is 'spose to be. Them boys always took real good care of me, 'specially with all the duty free tequila (if ya know what I mean!) they bring me. Man, them boys sure know how to run a country. I wish I could behead me a Kennedy. I would get a stiffy, just like the old days back in Matamoros. Mmmmmm, Matamoros. I sure do miss Matamoros. You could suck down a worm from inside a bottle, then one of them senoritas would do the same for yourn!Man, I kill me sometimes, I'm so funny.....
Why was I talkin' about Mexico agin?

Saturday, September 03, 2005

No Gas, Homicide Bomber problem solved!

Yuh see, I told ya I would solve them problems over in Irak. Now that they ain't got any gas, they can't car bomb my buddies trying to deliver their invoices to the Green Zone. And let me tell ya, Mr. Cheney has been FURIOUS that his boys over at KBR weren't getting their checks promptly. There ain't NOTHING that pisses him off more than not gettin' paid, 'cept maybe when he catches me snoring during those disastor prepardness drills. Cranky C&*%$^&*#$. Hell, he's the b%^#$%& who came up with this whole 'freedom and Democracy" Cluster F*&# I got to deal with everyday for the next four years. And now he's screamin' all day long that we can't finish the job in Iran now that the Nawlins looks like Baghdad on the Missisippi. I don't now what he's bitchin' about, 'cause I'm the one whose gotta grin and grip with all that white trash and bayou scum down there while he house hunts up in the mountains. And Condi, she ain't no help at all now the I's been re-elected and she can go on shoppin' sprees with her fag friends in NYC. Ungrateful B*(&^. She's been takin' me for granted ever since giving her the SoS after I booted Colin out for calling me an ignoramus. I had to look that damn word up in the dictionary and I was none to pleased onct I read what it meant, I can tell you. Iffin' he had called me that back in '73 I woulda knocked him silly, but then again, back then a boy of his ethnic persuasion woulda been shinning my shoes, not sittin' at the table with me like some kinda equal. Those were the days! I coulda oft a uppity N&*&^& like him and Daddy woulda just had my record washed clean just like back in Houston. I sure do miss those days in Tejas, when I could snort up a O.Z. with Jimmy Bass and then go knock some heads or score some of that hot Mexican tail down in Pasadena. Mmmmm, Mexican tail. Boy, I had to see Doc a lot cause of all those visits to them senoritas............

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Nawlin's is Darlin'!

Man, did ya see all them Darkies at the stadium down their in Nawlins'? I was on my exercise bike watching Fox, when they showed all them welfare mothers crying and a carryin' on. Funniest thing thing I seen since them Shiites runt all over each other in Bhagdad. But then Mr. Cheney slapped me in the back of the head (again!) and told me to start acting like an 'adult'. Pr*&k. He kept goin' on and on about how this don't look so good and how it was gonna f-up his plan to bomb the Eye-a-tollahs in Tehran. God, he never shuts about about blowing up those F&*%^%s in Iran.
Then Turd Blossom comes in and starts screaming at me too, about how I stayed too long on my well-derserved vacation and everybody was posting that picture of me strummin' away all over the Internets while Nawlins was drowning in its own filth. Them Darkies didn't vote for me anyway, so what should I care? It's not like I got to run for reelection or anything. Boy, I sure needed a drink after that last election. Thank God them Diebold boys came through in Ohio. Luckily I was able to throw a few quarts back before Mr. Cheney caught me and gave another shiner like back in Dec. '00.

Turd Blossom keeps rantin' about FEMA. What is that, anyways? I thought it was a bone in your leg....